The Unwelcome Guest

On Wednesday of this week at 9.15am my prostate was blasted for the last time. My 39 rides on the doughnut of doom are complete and hopefully the Unwelcome Guest has been given all the encouragement he needs to fuck off.

But the doughnut wasn’t going to give up without a struggle. On Tuesday I was attending a work conference and sat on a panel dispensing words and wisdom and a couple of laughs on the stuff I do for a living. Talking in public meant my phone was switched off so I missed a call from St Thom’s radiotherapy department telling me the doughnut was busted and my final treatment might be delayed. So close to the finishing line and now this. I called RT, but nobody picked up, so I left it until first thing Wednesday, but then the number was constantly engaged. As regular blog followers will know my RT treatment has by no means been bad, but I really wanted it over.

Also I’ve made friends in the waiting room of doom and wanted to say a fond farewell to certain members of the early morning cancer crew.

Mulling over what to do I decided to head out as usual to St Thom’s even if I had to wait all day for the doughnut to be fixed. A friend of mine recently asked if my experience had put me off eating doughnuts. To which my answer is, if any reader wants to send over a box of Krispy Kremes, they won’t go to waste.

Arriving at St Thom’s it was just Aaron, ace radiographer, and me. He was on the phone but gave me the thumbs up to say the doughnut was in peak condition and ready to give Preen one last ride. Slowly, other RT technocrats started assembling and I started drinking my 350ml of water.

Alan and Peter, two of the cancer crew, arrived as they’d not heard the doughnut was broken, so I was delighted to be able to say goodbye to them and wish them well. It was Peter’s last blast too but unfortunately Alan still has around 12 fractions to go.

So there we are drinking our water and gabbing away as we do every morning. Unfortunately, it takes a while for me to be called through so when I’m lying in the doughnut I’m absolutely bursting for a pee, but it’s going to take an earthquake to stop me seeing this through and anyway it seemed disrespectful to piss all over the doughnut which has been doing so much to see off the Guest. Treatment complete I slide out of the doughnut, get my picture taken and leg it to the toilet. Doughnut done and dusted.

Friends have been so kind sending me jovial upbeat messages, Sarah & Tim sent a bottle of bubbly and I bought myself a litre of Jack, so I may not be quite so sober as I have been for the last two months.

All that remains is for me to thank the radio stars who have administered my treatment with caring professionalism and not a little humour. The NHS is blessed to have: Naeema, Rafiq, Helen, Damon, Orla, Georgia, Aaron, Eileen, Catherine, Hodma and Sharan.

Nothing now happens until January when I take a blood test to check my PSA level and talk with the oncologist about the next moves to keep the Unwelcome Guest off my back, not to mention my prostate. I plan to enjoy Christmas and put Jim’s cancer capers to the back of my mind.